Happy is a concept (or, really, a state of mind) that has eluded me for quite a while. Sometimes I can fake it – remember what it felt like by listening to the right songs or having a perfectly made cup of coffee or laughing with the people I love – but then I start to really reflect on it. This reflection led to me trying to recall the last time I was honest to God happy.

Now, I can’t pinpoint an exact date, on account of I’ve slept since then and also do you know how many acronyms and how much medical and military knowledge I have to keep track of on a daily basis? I’m lucky if I remember my birthday and the last four of my social when I’m seen at medical. But. Back to my point.

Here’s what I do remember:

I remember a sun dress and bare feet and the windows down and the music that makes me happy playing really damn loud while I drove down the highway with my hair whipping in the wind and my sunglasses perched on my nose while I was on my way to a place that made me happy. I remember the feeling of sunlight on my bare arms and how awesome it was to have a day off from my multiple jobs. I remember singing along to… I wanna say it was Audiostrobelight, at the absolute top of my lungs with the taste of blueberry Red Bull and full-flavor American Spirits in my mouth. And I am pretty sure I remember one or more of my closest friends being with me. I think I remember us being on our way to Holston Lake, one of the best swimming spots in my piece of Tennessee. And I’m 100% sure I remember going home that night and going to bed slightly sunburned… and happy.

I can barely remember what that feels like. This whole being stationed overseas thing is kind of for the birds, if I’m being honest. I miss my family and I miss a lot of things about the US that I completely took for granted while I was there. I miss my friends – especially my ride-or-dies. Y’all know who you are. Being stationed so far from home with so few people that I’m actually close with has been really hard on me, but it’s made me really appreciate the people who I AM close with and who are there for me when I need them. But as someone who is so deeply family oriented, this is still been a really difficult seven months for me.

I cannot wait to come home. Approximately 543 days.

In the meantime, I’m working on some lifestyle changes that will – hopefully – make me a better, happier, healthier human bean. Updates on that as events warrant.


Until then, stay frosty nerds.


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