Drowning

First of all, I’d like to apologize for my inexcusable absence. This is ridiculous that I haven’t posted since June. I need to get back on the writing horse ASAP, and I’m even contemplating attempting to participate in NaNoWriMo this year. More on that later. And now, the news.

 

Stressed isn’t the word. Overwhelmed isn’t even the word. I need a word that sums up my life as it currently stands, and I’m not sure the English language is appropriately equipped for what is going on in my life right now. Inundated isn’t even quite right. I feel like I’m drowning, and I think that’s the closest I’m going to get for an accurate expression of my current situation.

For starters, there’s work. After showing up this morning for duty – because I was supposed to – I found out that my entire watchbill had been changed and that my watchbill coordinator just hadn’t bothered to tell anyone. He also ignored the fact that I’ll be on leave for the entire end of this month and gave me two duty days during a leave block that was approved months in advance. When I brought the matter to his attention, he told me to fix it myself, condescended to me, and insinuated that I have no problems and thus shouldn’t be complaining to him.

I have a physical readiness test (PRT) today that I’m 99% sure I won’t pass (through no fault of my own), a fiancĂ© who I’m not going to get to see for over a year, a job that stresses me out and threatens to completely overwhelm me on a regular basis (though I honestly wouldn’t trade it for any other job in the world), I’m in the throes of a financial crisis, my chain of command’s inability to process some simple paperwork is severely delaying the completion of my degree, I’m in immense physical pain, I haven’t slept well in over a month, my only close friend here is getting ready to leave for four months on a patrol deployment, and the last time I had free time to myself was… I literally cannot remember when. But I have no problems. Because I’m “young and in the prime of my life.” Motherfucker, I have crippling joint pain and I’m 25 years old. Once you’re in the military, there’s no such thing as “young” anymore. It’s a physically, mentally, emotionally demanding lifestyle and if you can’t keep up, they kick you out.

All I am trying to do is survive the next two weeks so I can go on leave and take my happy ass back to the United States. I literally just want to go home and see my family, but it’s like the universe caught wind of my attempt to escape and is now throwing every possible difficulty and loop at me that it can.

Well. Joke’s on you, universe. My mom raised a strong, independent, headstrong woman and I can handle anything you throw at me for the next two weeks. I may cry in the bathroom every day at work, but I will handle my shit like the squared away sailor I am.

(And as far as NaNoWriMo goes, I will make an honest attempt, but I make no promises.)

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